Bukola Meshida- Adefope, a story of fortitude, focus and influence

Bukola Meshida- Adefope is a serial entrepreneur, founder Glitzern Social, a personal performance coach and is DISC Certified by The Coaching Academy, UK. She is currently the Managing Director of Optimal Performance Limited and under her leadership, the company has become a force to reckon with, especially in the area of personality design, self awareness, and emotions coaching. She is an alumni of the Enterprise Development Centre, Pan Atlantic University and Poise Nigeria Elocution and Public Speaking class.

Growing up in the company of five siblings, and being the second child and first daughter, was interesting for Bukola and her parents parenting style was an optimal mix of liberalism and discipline. They taught them the way of the Lord, and gave them the liberty to live their lives, while guiding them. “I have become an artistically minded individual; I am appreciative of, and sensitive to beauty in all art forms. I am predominantly a visual learner, with developed auditory skills. By virtue of my Coach training, I have honed my listening skills over the years. My other siblings are highly gifted with creative skills too. My Elder brother Kunle Meshida, is one of America’s finest Gospel artists, Bolanle Meshida, My immediate younger sister is one of the most stylish Lawyers I know, Banke Meshida-Lawal is one of the World’s finest Make -up artists, Gbenga Meshida is a wonderful Singer, and Tosin Meshida is one of Nigeria’s finest real estate consultants and music promoters. My mother is a retired Radiographer, and one of the most sensitive and loving humans God created. She’s my most trusted confidant and cheerleader. She calls me every morning and night till date. I come from a loving and close knit family. This is a major influence on my world view and personal values.”

Sharing on her roles as a personal performance coach, she says “my primary role as a Personal Performance Coach is to help my clients get from their present reality to a desired future, faster than they would. I support my clients to find self- encouragement, motivation, clarity and focus. Clearly defining needs, wants, ambitions and desires, exploring their reality, and achieving a heightened consciousness of what’s going on in their lives, puts them at a vantage position to assess what might be needed to cause them to proceed to the next level.”

Optimal Performance Limited was founded in 2012, and is duly registered with the Corporate Affairs Commission as a Personal Performance Coaching Company. Their purpose is to courageously build meaningful and rewarding connections with people and organizations to help them find clarity and the freedom to thrive.

From Bukola’s interactions with men and women, she says that both males and females have emotional challenges, but females are more expressive. In her words, “Women are more emotionally aware, and easily ask for help. The main issue with women is the kind of people they ask for the help. Many go to the wrong places to seek help, and end up being misled. Men on the other hand, perceive asking for help as a sign of weakness, and this is wrong. Asking for help or knowing your limit is a sign of strength, and not weakness. Men learn from childhood to mask their emotions with a straight face, inappropriate behaviour, alcohol, substances, violence and emotional manipulation of females, to maintain a position of dominance. I am aware that this simple statement will draw all forms of resistance and further emotion masking from the menfolk, but it is the universal truth.”

Sharing her personal story was indeed a peak moment for me during this interview. Hear her share from deer within “I was married for 17 years, but noticed something was wrong from the second year. The journey of self discovery started, and I began studying to understand my situation. I went through decision undermining, subtle verbal abuse, financial deprivation, spiritual manipulation, reverse psychology, role switching and high drama. It took years to generate this list and articulate my emotions. I found myself always wondering what was making me so angry and unhappy. I found that setting goals was an intellectual exercise, but there was a disconnect between my head and heart, so most major goals remained unmet, they just remained on my wish list for years. I had so much information, but when I shared my ideas at home, they were dismissed as ‘one of those your things’, for years.

“The few things I was able to achieve, were things I braved up to do, with avoidable stress. I set up a printing press in Shomolu, Lagos, the most active print zone in the state. It was a good start in life, to fund survival, but I knew within me that I was much more than that. The challenges of running the press, dealing with clients, having children, being a wife, mother, sibling and being myself were enormous, and at some point, I knew I had to do something. The scenarios were so subtle, hours faded into days, days into years, until I started understanding the process, and gained clarity on what was going on. I applied all the techniques I had studied, and I was able to distill my personal essence, my life purpose, my core strengths and weakness, went on several personal development courses, to begin my journey out of the marriage. The journey earned me the brand name ‘The Pegasus’. This spanned a period of 7 years.” Bukola narrates.

Sharing on her personal and professional challenges, she has this to say “The healing process after a micro laryngeal surgery and separation could be challenging. A year after my voice surgery, I have gained the confidence to speak publicly, and resumed full scale public speaking. Building new networks, settling down, gaining clarity, navigating relations with the opposite sex, playing the role of father and mother to two teenage children and a seven year old, being an emotions coach to myself and the children, all within the context of present day Nigeria. It is a great task that requires big picture thinking and a good measure of faith.”

“Professionally, the human capital development industry is still growing in Nigeria. I found that the pain in the environment has led many people to choose hedonism- (the desire for pleasure) over personal development. We have learnt through years of hardship, to gravitate towards laughter, entertainment, drinking, sex, substance abuse and shopping, to anesthetize or dull our pains. There is nothing inherently bad about entertainment for example, as a temporary distraction from physical and emotional pain, but it is not a permanent solution. We can take short supplies of fresh air from time to time, but we need to attack the root cause of our problems to live a meaningful life.”

On keeping sane in Nigeria despite the myriad challenges, Bukola advices “In Nigeria, and indeed throughout the world, it is important to stay focused and keep your eye on the ball. We have heard about the power of positive thinking, it’s almost like a cliché, but we still are not using it enough. Primarily, we need to have an empowering self-concept as individuals and as a nation.” She insists.

Bukola lets us into what is currently in her front burner when she reveals that “Our trending activities for this season are “The Exodus” – The journey to freedom (Our monthly action planning and taking personal retreat) designed to support application of knowledge, which translates to wisdom, to gain freedom. The first edition took place on the 13th-15th of July. Our theme was Cognitive Slavery. Our theme for this month is Covert Emotional Manipulation, and it’s taking place on the 19th of August. Secondly, is the unveiling our belief change affirmations Audio Cds. We believe that if people can talk themselves into being miserable or ineffective they can also talk themselves out of such feelings and learn the associated behaviours that will lead to success. This is an open invitation to attend, and pick both Cds, to access your personal power of positive thinking, and change your life. It’s also taking place on the 19th of August. See flyers on our instagram page @optimal_performance.ng and my Facebook page, @pegasusfreedom”

 

KEMI AJUMOBI

via Businessday Online

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